He holds the future
Looking towards the next academic year, a lot of possibilities have recently presented themselves, causing some anxiety (to say the least...ahem). Some time ago, most likely on one of those "extremely stressful" days, I was convinced that I wouldn't be teaching next year for desperate want of a really long break. I was in no way considering doing nothing but I certainly felt that another year immediately after this one, in any classroom, would surely be the end of whatever sanity I have left. Actually, and in all honesty I have enjoyed being in the classroom somewhat and there has been a few highlights from this year but it would also be a lie to say that I'm not totally exhausted and a little bit fed-up.
It is a dangerous thing, as my dad reminded me just the other day, to make decisions at a time where feeling and emotion are at extremes. It has been said that decisions should not be made when one is extremely sad, extremely angry or even extremely happy because it's generally harder to be objective. I was also reminded that faith is not based on feeling or emotion and if God has called me to stay (and I'm not saying that He has), then I need to be spending time listening for God's direction and learning to be obedient to His voice. It's quite a scary thought as, at this time, as I just FEEL ready to "get out". Then again, the thought of total change is also a scary one with the million and one things to consider and the commitment required to get up and go, especially if I'm not sure where to go. Anyway, I'm continuing to spend whatever time I can find in prayer, trying to discern what God will have me do. Please do pray with and for me.
I'm guessing that you'll also want an update on my parents. Yes, it's been great to have my parents back though, of course, never perfect. Though my dad's eye is slowly improving day to day and his appetite is also increasing ever-so-slightly, it is still a little bit of a struggle to physically do much. And yes, I was a little disappointed that my chef isn't yet back into full work mode but the joy of fellowship around the table is much bigger blessing! Both my parents, though at home the majority of the time, are able to rest well. I believe the cooler weather and quieter surroundings have been good, in the sense that they have been able to sleep at night and enjoy naps too.
Tomorrow (Friday) my mum is accompanying my dad into London to see an ear/nose/mouth (ENT) specialist. I'm not entirely sure what this entails or what we're expecting but if you happen to read this in time, please do pray for this consultation. My mum has also had some discomfort as some sort of arthritis has taken hold of her knees making climbing up and down the stairs a little more painful. Being the amazing trooper that she is, I see her tirelessly laboring away to support both my dad and myself in ways most people don't see. Please do also pray for her as well, and it makes me think of how many other unsung heroes who we may neglect to lift up in prayer some times. I thank God for my mum!
As I approach this last week in my second placement school, and this last month of my course, I'm beginning to look back at just how faithful God has been in sustaining me through this year. How many times I've threatened to quit, how many days have been spent in tears (it has not been pretty) and how many more selfish thoughts have lingered only to cause even more grief. Even MORE than that, God's grace has abounded. I am so humbled by His mercy and I can feel nothing right now but gratitude. Praise Him from whom all blessings flow!
And because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone. And because I know, I know He holds the future so life is worth the living just because He lives.
